Who's really on Santa's list?

From Santa:
 

Christmas of 2008 will soon be here. I have checked my list twice to see who has been naughty and who has been nice. I saw your name on my nice list so Rudolph and I will be sure to stop by on Christmas Eve.
 

I have been scanning the headlines and watching CNN on my large screen TV to follow what’s been going on in the world.
 

With the bad economy and increase in crime, I am starting to wonder if anyone still cares about doing the right thing and staying on my good list? The only thing I can do is continue to visit those who wish to keep the Christmas spirit alive throughout the year with acts of kindness and love.
 

For the stinkers of the world, I will be delivering a lump of coal to their stockings as I do every year. I long for the day when I never have to see another lump of coal.
 

Typically, Santa’s list is confidential and is never shared with anyone outside of the North Pole. I have decided to forego tradition and share a few of the names with you. If you disagree with any of them, please call my hotline at 888-Get-Santa.

Here are some names from this year’s good list:
 

The Obama family: They were strong during the election and kept their faith. Obama will do his best to restore America to greatness. Although his mother won’t be around to see his inauguration, she will be watching from above with the angels. I may even take a seat next to her.

Oprah Winfrey: What can I say? Like everyone else, Santa just loves him some Oprah.

Dallas Cowboys: Although I am not a fan of America’s team, Rudolph loves Tony Romo and Terrell Owens. Rudy thinks the Cowboys are good for TV ratings, but I disagree.  Besides, I am an Eagles fan. Bill, don’t tell anyone but the Cowboys don’t have a snowball in Hades chance of getting to the Super Bowl.

The American Soldiers: I love the troops. They have been valiantly serving their country since the days of my old pal George Washington. He has told me that he is proud of our troops. I only hope President Obama can bring them home safely.
 

And now for the list of stinkers who will be getting a lump of coal from me and my reindeer posse.
 

OJ Simpson: What can I say about this guy? I can remember when he was known for being a great football player and not a criminal. Does anyone even remember the commercials with him running through the airport and jumping over suitcases? Unfortunately, his legacy has been reduced to the guy who allegedly killed his wife and is in prison for robbing people. Since I can’t visit the prison to give him coal, I will have someone give him a pack of Ramen noodles instead.
 

The Banking Industry: I will give extra coal to the banks that give out terrible loans and then expect a bailout. So what happens if I don’t make enough toys for Christmas? Can I ask the government for a bailout? I would probably have to lay off my elves. It’s a good thing Frosty the Snowman moonlights as a CPA during the summer. He keeps my books in line.
 

Governors Elliot Spitzer and Rod Blagojevech: Ho! Ho! Ho! What can I say about these two fools? One is under suspicion of trying to sell a senate seat. I understand it’s an allegation and Blagojevech claims it’s not true…Ok Hot Rod, but the FBI rarely arrests innocent people without evidence. I have an entire truckload of coal for this guy. As for his counterpart, Elliot Spitzer, he wasn’t selling anything, he was just buying hookers. I think Spitzer had a lapse of judgment and forgot that he was a governor and not a televangelist. Spitzer gets one sack of coal for being a hypocrite.
 

Ho! Ho! Ho! I am on a roll!
 

Well, that’s all I have for today. I would miss Christmas if I named additional stinkers. May your family have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!
 

Love, Santa Clause and Rudy