It is nearly impossible to visit any bookstore without seeing books covered with fangs, bloodied vixens, or a pale faced Lotharios with slicked back hair, red eyes and fangs. America just loves its vampires. After watching two Twilight movies, I wondered what would happen if someone really fell in love with a vampire. If you are going to love a vampire as Bella Swan did, you have to know about vampire folk lore.
Vampirism comes from the concept of adding someone else’s life force to your own by sucking on the neck of some unsuspecting victim. Following a super-sized hickey, a vampire has himself a bloody cocktail by inserting a straw into the victim's neck wound and sipping away: limes and tiny umbrellas optional.
So what else do we know about vampires? We know they despise crosses, churches, mirrors, garlic, and stake. Actually, they might enjoy a steak carved from a cow, just not a wooden one used for heart piercing. A relationship with a vampire would be unfulfilling because you don’t want to date someone who sleeps all day and then kills people at night.
So if a modern day Bella dated a real vampire, this is how it would go:
Bella: Edward, can you pick up the laundry or dust for cobwebs? All you ever do is hang around. I can’t even remember the last time I saw you pick up a broom or mop.
Edward: Bella, you know I don’t do cleaning. I sleep in a coffin full of spiders, rats, and dirt. I also wear the same clothes, hate showering and never wash my hair.
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