Are you trying too hard?

There are thousands of singles yearning for a romantic partner doing nothing but wishing. Take action! However, it is possible to err too much in the other direction—doing too much too frantically. The danger is burnout, giving up when you don’t get immediate results, and going back to where you started—worse than you were before because your optimism is gone. To help you avoid that scenario, here are some pointers to help you identify if you’re going overboard—as well as information on how to scale back and stay in the game.

It pays to advertise, but... 

If you tell everyone you’re single and looking, you will appear desperate, which is never an attractive quality. It’s best to confide in a few people who know and like you. Let them know you are available to meet an interesting person if they know someone. Tell them a bit about qualities attracting you to avoid the “anyone moving and breathing” syndrome.

Get clear on your goal

Give careful thought to the kind of person you seek—and what kind of relationship you want. Taking aim is usually a lot better than a scattershot technique, whether in skeet-shooting or sweetie-searching. If, for instance, it’s important to you a person share your political leanings, spend more time volunteering for issues concerning you in hopes of meeting fellow idealists. 

Work smarter, not harder

Be selective in dating sites and singles clubs you choose to investigate and give them a chance to work. Visit any such place a few times so you can really tell whether or not it’s right for you. Only then, move on to another one. Flitting from one to another only wastes your time and tends to be discouraging. 

Be proactive

Just showing up is often not enough; attending many events and standing around accomplishes very little. Choosing a few events and putting yourself forward is usually a better plan. Let yourself be known; approach others; engage in conversation with many people, not just attractive ones. Everyone responds to a friendly person and tends to shy away from someone seemingly only there to hit on a certain select few. 

Do what you like to do, and avoid the rest

If you do not shine in the written word, try to avoid long email exchanges when online dating, and opt for a phone conversation or a face-to-face meeting sooner than later. Admit your preferences so you don’t appear to be pushy or rushing the other person. Furthermore, just because a friend met his honey on a day hike doesn’t mean you should sign up for a similar activity, unless you’re already someone who loves nature walks. 

Take a brief breather from socializing

When you feel yourself becoming discouraged, take a break. Instead, focus on doing something for pure pleasure, like taking a pottery class or a local bus tour. You might meet someone when you least expect it because your just having fun while not trying to impress others. 

written by Isadora Alman

Courtesy of Match.com