Infidelity in marriages: When do they deserve a second chance?

Marriage or Divorce? 

Does your marriage deserve a second chance? Discovering that your partner is having an affair might put an end to it but it doesn't fix your married life. What does infidelity in marriages mean for a couple? When two people make a commitment to live together, their commitment is sealed by the marriage vows. These vows are now disregarded and the trust broken. Do you file for divorce right away or do you give your marriage a second chance?

Think twice before taking any hasty decisions that you might regret later. Consider your past together and ask yourself if this is the only time your spouse has deceived you, or if they are a habitual cheater. Broken relationships can be mended by offenders, who take the blame for their shortcomings, who step up and accept responsibility but not by those who shy away from facing the music. Your partner must understand that your relationship can only work out if they change their habits and control their impulses. 

Nobody can completely change; even if they try it will require time. If your spouse has cheated before, who is to say that it won't happen again? Knowing that the past would keep coming back to haunt you, would you still give your marriage a second chance? 

When your partner outright refuses to change and instead comes up with justifications for his behavior laying the blame at your door, you should realize that your relationship is going downhill. Straining your mental and physical abilities to produce something which was never there is a waste of time. You can't change your spouse if they don't believe in changing.

Some feel guilty because they took the wrong road, others because they got caught. When your spouse begs you for forgiveness, make sure they are sorry for the right reason. Marriage and children mean responsibility. You share a silent bond with your family that think twice whenever you start to drift away. 

Obligations and duties bind you and are given preference over personal needs and desires. Your spouse gave up the right to live for their own fulfillment when they entered into marriage with you. Now, since every little selfish act would jeopardize their family, they should try to be more responsible. Help your spouse recognize their mistake. If they feel ashamed, take it as a good omen. However, if your partner is more concerned about getting nailed, then, you'll have to handle the situation differently.

An important thing to figure out is where you stand. After you have been hit hard with your partner's secret affair, do you have strength enough to take your relationship to the next level? What if you suffered another such disaster, will you still possess enough will power to get up, brush yourself off and walk away? Don't let another tragedy cripple you for life. If this revelation has befuddled you, ripped away your peace of mind and made mince out of your self esteem, if you simply can't forgive and forget despite efforts, do not make the wrong decision because it just seems right. 

Trying to forge your broken relationship would get you to the point where you won't be able to put your trust in another because you are terrified that it could break your heart again. Putting your life on hold for a cheater is unnecessary, not to mention a pointless exercise. If you believe in second chances, how about giving yourself one! Break away and go for a new improved life with someone you can put your faith in. All relationships are unique, some infidelity cases in marriages deserve a second chance and some cases don't!

JAMIE SMALL is a relationship writer. 

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