The seven stages of marriage

Author Maxine Rock, wrote The Marriage Map. In her book, she explains marriage in seven easy-to-digest stages. All marriages experience these stages, according to Rock.

Stage One: Fantasy Time (the first three years) is when relationships are perfect. This stage is filled with excitement because it’s new and wonderful. You may even overlook your partner’s shortcomings. If they don’t pay the electric bill, it’s easily forgotten with an apology. If your wife snorts when she laughs, you may find it cute, and not aggravating. This is the moment when emotions run high and sex is great. This is also known as the honeymoon stage.

Stage Two: The Compromise period (years two to seven) is when couples realize their partners aren’t perfect. Some couples find themselves disappointed with their partner or experience marriage regret. You may even think, “Is this all I get? The snorting laugh you once found so cute becomes irritating. This is when people try to change their partners or themselves. You might ask your partner to become more responsible for paying bills or stop smoking cigarettes. This is a dangerous stage because some people won’t make any changes or decide they don’t want to accept their partner’s faults and leave the relationship.

Stage Three: Reality Struggles (years five to ten) is when relationships become predictable and boring. Sexual activity may become less frequent and exciting. Eventually, both partners realize the other won’t make any major changes and accept their partner’s traits—good and bad. By this time, many couples are ready to divorce. To survive this stage, you must accept your partner and their limitations, and focus on their good points without being judgmental or critical. You will need more patience than you can imagine.

Stage Four: Decisions (years ten to fifteen) is when you decide your partner isn’t the same person you knew from the Fantasy stage. Your partner gets angry, is forgetful, and can sometimes be inconsiderate. But they may still surprise you with a romantic dinner or a romp in the park. At this stage, you will evaluate your marriage, separate the good from the bad, and then decide if you want to continue with the marriage.

Stage Five: Separation (years twelve to seventeen) is the worst moment in a relationship. This is when couples choose to either separate or get divorced. Some may emotionally separate from each other while their sex life and all communications cease. Some couples continue in loveless relationships for financial reasons or for their children. This stage only ends when a couple alters their lives so their marriage can survive.

Stage Six: Together again (years seventeen to twenty) is when a couple realizes they are in this partnership together and will stick it out till the end. Both parties decided to commit to their marriage and never consider divorce. If you are here, your relationship has succeeded.

Stage Seven: New Freedom (years twenty to twenty-five) is the final stage. This is when a couple no longer needs to apply so much energy into a marriage for it to work. The married couple just “goes with the flow.” There may even be a peaceful understanding between partners. It’s what many consider to be the best years of their marriage. Most couples refer to this final stage as their golden years.

Immediately following the seven stages is what Rock refers to as ongoing growth. This is when a couple spends their days enjoying each other’s company. It’s considered to be the final prize for persevering through hardships. You both grow individually while simultaneously maintaining your marriage.