Flying with Ryan

Hold onto your stools! Are you ready to fly from London to America for under $20? It’s about to become a reality. Irish carrier Ryanair is adopting an aircraft with “vertical seating.” They are planning on tearing out traditional seats and going with a standing room only type of flight.

You actually won’t be standing because they will put something resembling a stool for you to lean on. Ryanair is the carrier known for charging a “fat tax” for overweight customers, and an onboard toilet fee. I wonder why it’s referred to as an on board toilet? Is there another place to put a toilet? Could you put a toilet on the wing?

One person responded to the story with, “We’ve eliminated the landing gear and are passing the savings onto you.” I am sure this person posted this as a joke, but they probably had to cut costs somewhere to bring you such inexpensive tickets.

I haven’t flown in a while but I am not sure I would be comfortable flying on a plane from London to America for under $20. You know the saying, ‘you get what you pay for.” I am good with saving money on gas or toilet paper—but on an airplane?

When I think about such an inexpensive flight, I have a few things to wonder about. Am I riding with barnyard animals in wooden crates? What happens if I don’t have the money to pay the toilet fee? Would they give me a jar or do I just pee on the guy next to me?

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it will happen. Some poor sap will forget to bring their toilet money—it always happens. Hopefully you pay it before you book the flight. I wonder if you have to bring your own toilet paper or do they charge for theirs?

I am also not comfortable with the name Ryanair. Who’s this Ryan? Is it Ryan Secrest? Nolan Ryan? Jack Ryan or is it the private Ryan who got saved in the Tom Hanks movie? I am not flying in anything with the words: cheap, bargain, value, inexpensive or the name of some guy I don’t know.

Have you ever heard the saying, “it’s all in the name?” Would you visit a dermatologist named Dr. Crater? Or see a dentist named Dr. Yankem? And I wouldn’t give my money to guy with a name like Bernie Madoff. Old Bernie got 150 years in prison for making off with millions. Sometimes a name is everything.

Sorry, I won't be flying on any flight from London to Boston for under $20. I would rather try my luck with an inner tube.