Restaurant training videos

I always thought reality programs, Grade B movies, and terrible commercials hired the worst actors. I was wrong. The worst actors appear in restaurant employee training videos. For example, John Doe, a local teenager is looking for some spending cash. After school, he finds a part-time job at Lyles Road Kill, a country kitchen somewhere in the backwoods of Tennessee. Lyle’s specialty is Flat Possum Stew—with or without tire tracks and a cold beer.

Whenever a new employee starts at Lyle’s, they watch a series of horrific programs under the guise of "training videos."

They usually cover a wide variety of subjects:

• Welcome to the company
• Sexual Harassment

• Chemical Safety

If you have ever worked in any restaurant, you can relate to these horrific programs. If not, consider yourself fortunate. I have always wondered who wrote the scripts and how did they keep these actors from laughing between takes? If you have never worked in a restaurant, you might see the following:

Here’s a snippet from the “Welcome to Lyle’s” DVD:

“Howdy! Welcome to Lyle’s Road Kill, if you have a pulse, we hired you. And if you were hired as a cook, you will drop stuff in the fryer and cook dead animals on the grill. If you are a server, you will deliver the food. and if you are a dishwasher, you will wash dirty plates, silverware, and glassware. Welcome to Lyle’s and thanks for working for me!”

Here's a sample from the sexual harassment program:

“Hey Jill, do you know what sexual harassment is?”

“Sure Jack, it’s like when you grope my breasts and I ask you to stop. Only you would actually quit groping me.”

“Right Jill, but since you don’t mean it, it’s not really sexual harassment.”

How these actors can say their lines with a straight face is beyond me. And here’s all you need to know about the chemical safety tape—don’t ever mix chemicals together. For example, bleach mixed with nearly any other chemical can literally blow up your restaurant and kill you—so don’t do it.

In any of these DVD’s, you will see people smiling while doing their jobs. Everyone is happy to be at Lyle’s. In reality, the only ones happy are Lyle and his customers.

So thanks for stopping by Lyle’s. And be sure to pick up a carry out menu on the way out because we also deliver!