Dear friends

One of the best things about the Internet is the ability to correspond with family members and connect with friends. At times, it can be hard to keep up with my Internet friends. Periodically, I like to send out one email and address everyone. Since I have nothing to hide, I will go ahead and share this letter with anyone who wants to read it. If I have missed anyone, I apologize and will try to include you in my next letter.

Captain Khan: I am sorry to hear about your continuous escape attempts from your home country. Friendship or not, I still can’t give you my banking information. I think you need to “man up” and handle your business. I know you are willing to transfer millions into my bank account, but I refuse to help you in your time of weakness. Let’s call it tough love. 

Sally: I appreciate you putting in for me to get my free Walmart and Target gift cards. I just don’t have time to answer all those questions about my favorite brand of toilet paper. I am afraid you will have to forward my cards to someone else. 

SkanDel Bank of Savings: Mike, stop requesting my account and pin numbers. My wife thinks it’s odd for you to request these numbers from me when I don’t even have an account with your bank. It must be the dementia. Please seek help from your physician. 

Ron: You are pushing the limits of our friendship! Why do you keep assuming I have a problem with my working parts? Who keeps telling you that I need Viagra or some other type of male enhancement product? Besides, I don’t like the side effects; I could end up going blind or be tempted to shoplift. 

Jezzebel: I know you can get me the best auto loan on the planet but I just don’t need a new Jaguar. And no, I don’t want a KIA either! If I need a new car, I will be in touch. 

Vito: Stop trying to strong arm me into signing up for credit card protection. If someone steals my credit card, I will call the police and file a report. Don’t worry, we are still friends, I just don’t need your protection. 

The Gang from Degree Mill U: Hello to Steve, Marcia, Chuck and Bill! I wish you guys would quit assuming I hate my job. I know you all think I am more suitable to be a medical assistant, ultra sound specialist or a nurse’s aide. I just don’t know why you want me to pursue a new career? Thanks for the brochures and student loan information but I think I will stay at my current job. 

P.S. If I get laid off, I may take you up on one of your offers. 

Well everyone, I think that’s it for this month. I really hope I didn’t miss anyone. Before I go, let me apologize to Steve. Honestly, I don’t know why your Internet provider keeps shutting down your email accounts. I assure you it wasn’t me who reported you as a spammer. Although the envelope stuffing didn’t pan out, I still look forward to your latest get-rich-quick business opportunities.