Who should the president pardon?

On January 21, 2008, Barack Obama became our new president while our former president was last seen on a plane headed back to Texas. One of the many privileges of being president is the ability to grant a pardon. A pardon is similar to the get out of jail free card made famous by the board game, Monopoly.

Former president Bush granted pardons to 191 people before leaving office. This pardoning business got me thinking. What if I was granted the power to pardon people? Who would I pardon? I can think of a few people who I would consider for a pardon.

Here are some people I would consider pardoning:

The group of people who filed a lawsuit to keep Obama from office: Get over yourselves, he was born in Hawaii and is a naturalized citizen. The people have spoken and he is now our forty-fourth president.

The “work in guy” at the local gym: I reluctantly pardon him. He is the guy that insists on interrupting me while I am completing a set. There are many different machines at the gym, can’t he find something else to do other than irritate me and interrupt my workout?

Church people who randomly show up at my doorstep: This one is a tough pardon. I know where all the churches are so they don’t have to come to my house. Churches must think the best way to get me to come to service is to wake me up at 8 a.m, on a Saturday morning.

Coupon interrogating cashiers: I always hate having my coupons scrutinized while I am at the checkout lane. I understand you are doing your job but I really do have five yogurts in my cart. Please don’t treat me like a terrorist; just take the quarter off my purchase and let me get on with my life. I don’t want to have my bags checked just to save a quarter. Remember, you are a cashier, not a prison guard at Guantanamo Bay.

College football: I don’t watch college football because they declare a national champion without a playoff system. College computers rank teams without allowing them to battle for top seeding. If the NFL followed the college ranking system, we would be watching the New York Giants play the Tennessee Titans in the next Superbowl.

Athletes who lie about gambling, dog fighting, and using performance enhanced drugs. America is a forgiving nation. I believe most of us will forgive any athlete who admits to his or her problem, apologizes and then move on. They get themselves into trouble by lying to the public and government officials.

So now you know who I would consider for a pardon if I were in office. Like the president, I would have my own criteria. I would be more apt to pardon a one-time offender than a habitual offender. So if you are holding a grudge against someone, maybe you could grant them a pardon? If a president can pardon others, can’t you?