The reality of paying child support

Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a man on his show who didn't want to pay child support because he said he was tricked into paying. Needless to say, he didn't garner much sympathy from Dr. Phil or anyone else.

Depending on whom you ask, child support is a taboo subject which brings out anger and frustration. I spent several years working for a child support enforcement agency. The job description included: attending court hearings, testifying against non-payers, filing charges to put non-payers in jail and listening to excuses.

I would like to bring some insight into this highly controversial topic. Parents, read this carefully. Please share this information with your sons and educate them about the financial consequences of unprotected sex and the reality of paying child support.

Here is the bottom line: If you make a child, a court can legally require you to pay support. Regardless of the situation, a child needs financial support. Here are some common questions I used to get about paying child support:

Q: Why do I have to pay? The money just goes to a car note or cigarettes; it doesn't go to my child.

A: Whether you pay or not, your child still needs food, clothing and shelter. The custodial parent still has to pay for these things regardless of whether you pay or not. Think of your check as a reimbursement because the custodial parent has already bought groceries and shoes for your child. Parents know children are expensive. As they get older, their food and clothing costs increase.

Q: She doesn't let me see my child so I shouldn't have to pay.

A: Child support and visitation are separate legal issues. The custodial parent can't withhold visitation because the other parent doesn't pay support. These issues must be settled in court.

Q: She tricked me, she said she was on birth control...I don't want to support a child I never wanted.

A: This won't work in court. You will need to accept responsibility for your sexual liaisons. If you sleep with a woman, there is a risk she will get pregnant. Once the child is born, the excuses go out the window and you are now financially responsible for this child. Depending on where you live, there may be different laws regarding support orders and paying them. You will have to consult with an attorney for the specifics.

Many abortions and unplanned births can be prevented with education and common sense.

Men, here is a common scenario I heard many times:

You meet some girl while in your early 20s. You drop a few slick pickup lines and get her into your bed. Unfortunately, she gets pregnant and then files a paternity suit. Your DNA matches and she gets a portion of your paycheck for the next 18 years.

I know, you were just out having fun and being irresponsible.

You think, "I am single, it's just another bill, no problem."

Here is what you are forgetting. You may eventually fall in love and get married. After marriage, you may even decide to have children with your new bride.

Your ex will most likely take you back to court annually and request support increases, which is her right.

These increases will take a toll on your family. Money that could be going on your family will leave your check and go to another woman. Your wife may eventually harbor resentment and become bitter about her children doing without because of your past sexual conquests.

While working in support, I spoke to wives who shared this anger and resentment about their husband paying thousands in support. Some of these marriages dissolved over this issue.

Men, this obligation to this other woman could last for 18 years or more. If the child has a handicap or disability, the support order could last as long as the child is alive. Think about this; if your support order is $500 per month for 18 years, you will pay out $108,000. That's an expensive one-night-stand.

Also remember this... when your income increases, so does her support.

I met and discussed child support cases with hundreds of men experiencing this same dilemma. They would tell me they regretted being so stupid when they were young. If one young man will heed this message, that's one less unplanned pregnancy in our country.