Thanks to all of my friends

I wanted to take a few minutes to thank my friends for their emails.  Instead of contacting everyone individually, I will thank everyone at once.

Kent: Thanks for recommending the member enhancer, but I don’t think you know me well enough to recommend I try this amazing new product. I wish I knew who told you about my “problem” so I could give them a piece of mind.

Beth: I would love to make $5k per week from home; I just don’t have the $45 “processing fee” to stuff envelopes from home. Can you take the $45 out of my first paycheck?

Carl: How did you know I don’t have an MBA? I received your college literature. I would like to get a Masters Degree but I can’t afford the tuition. I think I will save my money for gas instead.

Tiffany: I appreciate your concern about my variable loan. I hate to tell you this, but I don’t have a variable loan. My current mortgage loan is already fixed. I think you got me confused with someone else. Thanks for looking out though.

Todd: I know you can probably get me a great deal on insuring my life, car, home, or anything else. For now, I will keep what I have for now. Yeah, I know, the creepy Emo lady from Progressive and the Geico lizard will be disappointed.

Stan: You know how much I love the Lord but I already have a King James Bible. I would gladly trade a $250 donation for your Bible—autographed by God himself. With eating and paying my mortgage (ask Tiffany) I don’t have the extra $250. I just hope we can still be friends.

And finally, I would like to thank General Yangi Donwaddie from Sudan. Of all my friends, you are my favorite. I received your top secret email a few days ago. I want to send you my banking information so you can transmit $1m of your native currency into my account. I know the commission is awesome, but I just cannot do it.

I would feel like I was taking advantage of our friendship and I believe that money changes everything. A transaction like this could strain our friendship.

Furthermore, I think there is something you need to know. One of your officers made me the same offer behind your back. Colonel Junputz also asked for my banking information. I will send him a separate letter that I am unable to accommodate his request. I will be sure to leave your name out of the letter. I would also like to request you don’t execute him for his treachery.

Thanks to everyone for keeping me in mind with your emails.