Is it just me or does anyone else hate tired sports clichés? I am referring to the clichés often used by sports talk radio hosts or sports commentators. For instance, with each new NFL season, you will hear about cornerbacks who live alone on an island or about someone getting thrown under a bus. Can we please create some new material? It’s like driving a car on bald tires. It’s time to locate some new tires and shake up the lingo. Here are the most annoying suspects:
•“He can stretch the field” How does anyone stretch a 100 yard football field? It’s not as if the field is made of Silly Putty. Is there a bulldozer in the house?
•Is it possible for anyone to say the word goal without saying “goooooooooaal?” Damn, that’s annoying.
•“Legendary sports heroes” Really? Soldiers who died in WWII were heroes. So were the police officers and fireman who died on 9/11/01. This begs the question: how do deceased soldiers, policemen and firemen compare to an overpaid jock? Athletes receive millions from their clubs and endorsement deals to play a kid’s game. Call them athletes, not heroes.
•“He’s on an island by himself” This cornerback often plays man coverage on an opposing football team’s best receiver. Although he’s a great cornerback, he’s not alone because football is a team sport. If the defensive line gets to the quarterback, the receiver doesn’t get an opportunity to get open—forcing the cornerback to stand in the field twiddling his thumbs.
•“Cheating” Why do people act surprised when athletes cork bats or inject steroids into their buttocks? I am more surprised when they don’t cheat. Regardless, whenever money is involved, cheaters will always remain ahead of the law. Like everyone else, athletes always try to gain an advantage. If an athlete isn't cheating, he isn't trying.
•“RBIs” This acronym is already plural. It means runs batted in. The key word is “runs.” Folks, this means more than one. So why can’t announcers just say Tom Snow has 21 RBI? It sounds funny, but it’s correct.
•“The team is 5 games over 500” I really hate this one. If a team wins 30 games and loses 10, the announcer will say the team is 20 games over 500. In reality, if they played 40 games, 20 games won would be 500. Since they won 30, they are really 10 wins over 500.
•“He just willed them to a win.” How? Does he have mental powers? No one can will their team to a win. Many factors must unfold before a team wins. For instance, without a decent front line, how many quarterbacks would survive in the NFL?
•“Thrown under the bus” Every other day, someone in the media reports the unlucky person with bus treads on their back. With all this throwing business, it’s surprising that more athletes aren’t incarcerated. I also want to know who drives the bus. There must be thousands of bodies stuck underneath. How does it ever move?
•“A Player Strike” is nothing other than arguments between billionaires and millionaires. In 1987, After NFL players called a player strike; the scabs suited up and took the fields. I can still remember watching them because I just wanted to watch football. Besides, you don’t really know who’s who until you see a jersey with a name attached to the back. Pro athletes on strike should be grateful they don’t have to find real jobs.
•“Drinking the Kool Aid”: This is probably the most insensitive and stupid sports analogy ever said. The comment relates to the infamous Jonestown Massacre from the 70s. The psychotic Reverend Jim Jones and his followers committed suicide by drinking Kool Aid mixed with cyanide.
•Athlete interviews: Who listens to athlete interviews? I love sports, but I rarely listen to their interviews because they never say anything useful (or legible). I would be more impressed if any athlete won a spelling bee.
Finally, how sickening it is to watch a grown man beg and plead for an autograph from a 20 something year old athlete. Guys, they put their pants on one leg at a time like you do. Stop with the ball washing already.
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